The Adventures of Hercules (AKA Hercules II)

Dir: Luigi Cozzi

1985

****

Genuine 'So bad they're good' movies are rare but sequels to 'So bad they're good' movies that are equally 'So bad they're good' are practically non-existent. 1983's Hercules was a b-movie masterpiece, Cannon studio's attempt at getting in on the action during a time where there was an influx of fantasy sci-fi films featuring mythical beings and ridiculously muscly muscle men. Luigi Cozzi returns to direct, although he is credited as Lewis Coates, just in case anyone is put off by the fact that it is a dubbed Italian movie presumably, although if they'd seen the first then they weren't paying enough attention. There wasn't going to be a sequel to 1983's Hercules originally but while the first film was being filmed back-to-back with I sette magnifici gladiatori (The Magnificent Seven Gladiators - also starring the cast of Hercules) they had problems and the legendary Cannon producers Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus asked Cozzi to take loads more footage, enough as it happened, to piece together another Hercules film. There is the big re-cap, similar special effects sequences, loads of dubbing and Pino Donaggio's score from the first film is reused note for note. Lou Ferrigno wasn't told. So if the story doesn't seem to make much sense that's the reason, although the first film didn't make much sense either but that's not altogether too important. Once again 1978's Superman is a big influence, with an identical opening credits style and the outer space special effects looking very similar. The story takes place a long time after the first, Hercules has been taken from earth and is in some sort of status floating around space. When the naughty gods decide to raise King Minos from the dead, Zeus thinks it best to send Herc down to sort him out again. However, Minos turns on the gods and sets about taking the world over once more with 'science' and ridding the universe of gods (which he doesn't believe in, even though they brought him back from the dead), Meanwhile, Hercules is given the task of finding Zeus's seven Thunderbolts that have been stolen by the naughty gods and hidden inside various monsters. Hercules battles slime people, Euryale - a snake-haired, half-woman, half-scorpion Gorgon, the Queen of Spiders, a demonic sorcerer knight person who likes hanging dolls in trees and a beast from hell who has taken the form of the best digital special effects 1985 had to offer on a shoe-string budget. Hercules is assisted along the way by sisters Glaucia and Urania, played by half-dressed 70's Playboy girls Milly Carlucci and Sonia Viviani. Their quest eventually leads them into space where Hercules has to fight King Minos who has taken the form of a neon dinosaur (even though dinosaurs weren't part of Greek mythology). Herc, not being the brightest spark, decides to take the form of a neon Gorilla and somehow beats him. When it looks as if all has failed and the moon will crash into the earth, Herc does his getting big thing and separates the planet and the moon as if they were drunken best friends about to fight after a night on the drink. 'It's just not worth it', although it very much is. The giant robots may be gone but there are plenty of brightly coloured and over the top special effects to enjoy, quite what Lou Ferrigno thought was going on if this wasn't a Hercules film is a bit of a mystery but it's almost as good as the first spectacular. Greek and Roman mythology are clumsily mixed up and confused with one another and the origins of the universe altered from the shattering of a flashy-buttoned jar seen in the first film to that of an Angel who flew about a bit and produced a seed of light, which created everything. It's still a load of old nonsense, bizarrely written and badly performed but it's just as golden.