StarCrash

Dir: Luigi Cozzi

1978

*****

Luigi Cozzi is one of the greatest film directors of all time, never once letting a lack of budget get in the way of making a good film. Seriously though, he has made some of my favorite films of all time and he is genuinely a great writer. One of his first stories was Dario Argento’s amazing Four Flies on Grey Velvet and if I’m to be completely honest (and I am by the way) then I would argue that StarCrash has a stronger, more interesting and original story to it than Star Wars has – the film that it will always be compared to. Cozzi has stated on many occasions, and has backed it up with original scripts and designs, that StarCrash was in development before Star Wars was released. When you look at the story, it really is only outer space that the two have in common and Star Wars is basically a cross between a western and a remake of Akira Kurosawa’s Hidden Fortress anyway, the story is about as formulaic as it gets – just with laser guns, robots and big green aliens. He may have read Star War’s script and he might have been asked to make a space opera to challenge George Lucas’s hit but that’s neither here nor there. He clearly never saw Star Wars before filming. I believe it is possible to love both without too much comparison. Cozzi never described StarCrash as a science fiction film but more of a science fantasy, which I would agree with, although I’m not sure any of the science actually stands up. The science really isn’t the most important bit anyway, StarCrash is about wise-cracking robots, Caroline Munro’s skimpy outfit and Marjoe Gortner’s excitable eyebrows. Plus it stars David Hasselhoff, sporting the largest haircut I’ve ever seen. You may think that the Hoff playing a young and beautiful space Prince in a tight leather jumpsuit would be the film at its most camp, but you’d be wrong. Marjoe Gortner out-Hoffs the Hoff by some margin, one can only assume that everything young Hasselhoff learnt about being cool, he learnt from Gortner. The film has an evil count, as all good fantasy films do, and who could be more evil in 1978 than Joe Spinell? He had played a few minor roles as gang hoods and mafia muscle men by that point, so he was always seen as something of a bad guy, but after StarCrash he went on to star as the infamous Frank Zito in Maniac – sure he was also in Rocky and The Godfather – but I think you can also credit StarCrash for his success and for casting him as the film’s main villain. His counterpart was played by Christopher Plummer, so that has to count for something. Plummer’s acting is way ahead of everyone else’s, so much so that it makes the film stop in its tracks somewhat and the other actors look stunned and silent (as I’m sure original audiences were) and it feels a little awkward for a moment. Luckily the silly camp fun returns and the character are soon fighting killer robots and flying around the universe. Plummer has nothing but nice things to say of the film, however, this may have something to do with his $10,000 a day salary and the film’s shooting location…"Give me Rome any day. I'll do porno in Rome, as long as I can get to Rome. Getting to Rome was the greatest thing that happened in that for me. I think it was only about three days in Rome on that one. It was all shot at once". Discussing his role as the Emperor, he said, "How can you play the Emperor Of The Universe? What a wonderful part to play. It puts God in a very dicey moment, doesn't it? He's very insecure, God, when the Emperor’s around". Rome clearly had an effect on him. There are many highlights in StarCrash, my favorites include; the hundred-foot robot with breasts that chase our heroes on a beach, the evil red blobs that supposedly drive people ‘insane’, Elle the police robot who becomes more and more like a wise-cracking cowboy the longer the film goes on, the planet of Amazonian Women and the rather motionless stop-motion killer ninja robot twins. The main highlight of the film though is Caroline Munro, not because she is naked for the majority of the film but because she is sassy, likable and throws herself in to the role giving it her everything. The legendary John Barry composed the the film’s score – and it is brilliant – although he was never allowed to see any of the film while working on it as the producers feared he might pull out. Four million dollars isn’t much when you’re making a sci-fi space opera but at the same time I’m amazed they actually had that much money. I still love it though. Cozzi is clearly a big fan of Greek mythology and the work of Ray Harryhausen, having described the film as ‘Sinbad goes to space’ and originally selling it as ‘Sinbad on Mars’. He would go on to make a far more convincing space story in 1980s Contamination (even though it doesn’t actually take place in space) and would of course exercise his love of Greek mythology in the amazing Hercules (1983), it’s follow up The Adventures of Hercules II (1985) and Sinbad of the Seven Seas (1989) – all staring Hulk star Lou Farrigno. It had many financial problems during its development and distribution fell through until the great Roger Corman stepped in to save the day. Corman – a man of taste – knows a good thing when he sees it and the rest is history. Often mistaken for a terrible film, StarCrash is in fact a cinematic masterpiece, a classic sci-fi adventure and better than at least two of the Star Wars sequels.